I often wander yonder...

Often I wonder from where came assunder

The increasing inclination to wander yonder

Where men are sincere, where women won't sneer

Where truth is once and foremost what

In this short span of a lifetime one aims at?

Meredith

'He speaks: can I trust what he says is sincere?
There's an edge to his smile that cuts much like a sneer.'

Taken from 'The Ordeal of Richard Feverel' - George Meredith.
A poetic sentence with a lot of potential...maybe I should steal it and insert it into one of my lyrics, maybe that's vulgar and I shouldn't - wish it had come out of my mouth :-)

Wishes

The women I love...

with all of my heart...

"Everybody's friendly...

but nobody's friends dear God when will I be where I should be?" Not my words, but he took them right out of my mouth. It isn't without reason that Morrissey and his art have played an important part throughout my life. Somehow his words always followed me in my life and there were always songs that could comfort me during the hard times because the right words were always there. Somehow the words have some universal meaning that appeal to so many people...There has not been much constant in my life, but he has been...

"Everybody's friendly but nobody's friends..." appeals to me in a way because the whole 'mask' thing, the observed, save distance people keep in everyday life is starting to annoy me. Life should be lived to the full and by hiding behind masks and not showing who we really are, we are doing the exact opposite in my opinion. To me it's always been about being true to yourself and the irony about it all is that these days I have the feeling I've been forsaking myself, I've been playing roles, trying to make some kind of good impression even when I felt it went against the deepest me.

"dear God when will I be where I should be?"...when will I have succeeded in developing this true inner me into something I am proud of, into my art, some kind of art, whether it be songs, writing or pictures? Sometimes I feel I miss the one truly necessary attribute and that it the 'power of the will' - the energy, the true drive to want to succeed. At times life in general feels so overwhelming it numbs me, while this emotion should be my drive, the force that makes it all happen...

News

Is there news? Something interesting? - a question my 6-year-old asks me almost everyday now. The news for children he watches is not enough, because the real 'news' is not there. He wants to know whether a plain has crashed, another war has developed and me...? Well, me I simply don't want to know. One week of everyday news is enough to get depressed...And so often my answer is the truth: I don't know, I haven't seen...Is that so bad?
I have been reading some Meredith and Chatterton though and it was immensily interesting and I know I will pass this passion onto him - I'm sure I already have...which is a relief.

Freshly blogged

Again...first there was 20six and it was the best - great memories, great discussions, great friends...but then it all changed and became not what it used to be...there's www.bloggen.be/marieantoinette where I sarted my Dutch novel (read and remember 'started'), there's www.fotothing.com/nathanielmonkerhey when I'm having a 'picturesque period', there always is www.myspace.com/nathanielmonkerhey - brilliant - met and found a lot of very old friends but the most active used to be 20six and now it's dead I need another place to exist...let's try here, seems nice, my friend Neil has a place here too, so feels comfortable in a way....Hope to meet some friends here...I know you're out there in the big wide world. Some use the internet to wear masks and pretend to be someone they are not - to me it is exactly the opposite...masks are destroyed - in search of the real me, in search of the real you
Nathaniel